nestar: (green bottle and pearls)
[personal profile] nestar
In May of 2015 I found myself at a bardic competition at a SCA event. A gentleman that I've know for a few years stood up and sung a song he had written. While the verse was pleasant enough the chorus brought tears to my eyes.

One for the courage that's buried inside you.
Two for the truth you conceal in the fold.
Three for the love that you've always denied you.
Now go seek, be bold, never rest 'til you find your hidden gold.


It's taken me all the time to puzzle out but I finally have realized why the words struck me so.

One for the courage that's buried inside you.
I lived the first 30 years of my life in the same county. I didn't go to collage (I started a business instead) and had never lived away from my family for more then two weeks. When the chance came to go first to New Hampshire and then Texas, followed by the other place in Texas, Utah, Virginia, and Kansas, I was scared yet I knew that whatever I faced would be worth it because I would be a midwife at the end. I had never in my wildest dreamed that I would spend a year just traveling the country.

Two for the truth you conceal in the fold.
My time in Utah was... like going out of the frying pan and into the fire.

I don't know if the preceptor had some kind of chemical imbalance or if she was just a bitch but during my time with her I learned exactly the kind of midwife I wanted to be - which was the total opposite of everything she was.

Three for the love that you've always denied you.
And this was the line that really caused me to cry.

All my life I've had trouble drawing close to people - I have acquaintances and people that I know but true friends I could count on one hand and still have fingers left over.

Now go seek, be bold, never rest 'til you find your hidden gold.
Now despite everything I've gone through and the qualities I may need to work on I know that I have worth. That inside of me is a brilliant light that's wanting to shine.
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