Flashback! - "A Muse is a Terrible Thing to Waste"

[nestar]

Two years ago I took part in my second NaNoWriMo.

I had just gotten over a 10 month long bout of Writer's Block, and I thought to appease my muse with a story devoted to her.

Instead she got "A Muse is a Terrible Thing to Waste" and I think she's been pissed at me ever since, why else would she build a doogie door for Steve?

This morning I looked over the story (what there was of it) for the first time in a year and a half. I thought I'd share some of it with you.

At the start of the world there were only three Muse, and they managed everyone on earth just fine. This was the time spelling came to the earth and also the start of dancing and storytelling. Then Mnemosyne just had to have her week and a half fling with Zeus and ended up with nine girls, so well why not train them to be Muse? That way they could take over and Aoide, Melete, and Mnemosyne could retire. It was fine for a little while, but with the nine running around inspiring people willy-nilly, starting what the humans call the Golden Age of Reason, suddenly every Tom, Dick, and Caesar wanted to be an epic poet, “Homer did it and he’s blind so why can’t I?” That was when the three Titanesses started a school to train spirits into Muse.

 

Viewed from the outside the dorms seemed a place of quite restfulness, once inside I had to fight my way past dozens of other trainees all trying to solve the maze that was the Aoide Dormitory building.

“Is this room 208?” Only some of the doors were numbered, others had names, photos or, in one case, a singing frog.

 

“Hi-a!” A short, really short, blond haired girl popped out from behind the, gods, it was a naiad with wine pouring from her… Well, really, that’s just wrong!

“My name is Salen. My sister was a Muse, I mean is a Muse. She graduated three years ago, and I have wanted to be just like her ever since I was born!” Did she breathe helium, because that voice could quickly drive a person to do horrible things, dark things and unspeakable things, things that you really shouldn’t do to another spirit.

“Stand and give account Miss Salen, who are and what is your business in this domain and who is your companion?” Back to form already! Maybe Mora would scare who ever this perky little person was.

“Oh how silly of me!” She bounced over to us; “This is Hogan! He is being very sweet and helping me set up!”

“Um, Hello?” Poor guy, you could see he had no clue of what was going on. Miss Bouncy – Squeaky probably ambushed him.

“And coming with Kaywinet are Timoth, Rand, Stymon, and Phil.”

“Wait just a second, set up? Set up for what?” Did I really want to know the answer to that question?

“The party silly!” No, no I so did not want that to be the answer.

“You have still not given a response as to why you are in our room, Miss Salen. What is so desirable about this particular location that you felt you must host your party here?”

“Well I couldn’t just go into any room and say, ‘I’m going to have a party in here!’ now could I? And besides, it’s Kaywinet’s party as well!”

The truth hit me, “So, you and, Kaywinet? The two of you are our room mates?”

“Isn’t it great! I’m just sure we all will have loads of fun and become life long friends!” Even more bouncing while she said this.

Just then another girl came through the door with a box of food and a bunch of guys following her. “Here is the food Salen. Have fun with your party; I’m going to the library. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!”

She almost had her get away, but Miss Squeaky was too quick. “But you haven’t even said hello to the other girls!” And BAM! Miss Squeaky had her by the arm and was dragging her back into the room

“I would like you all to meet Kaywinet. She is a little shy, but I’m sure we will all do our best to help her, right girls?!”

Kaywinet looked like she would rather be with a group of Lampades then with Miss Bounce, no, Salen. If she had spent the whole afternoon with Miss Bou… Salen, then I for one did not blame her, not in the least.

“Salen!” A group of girls now stood in the door.

“Annabeth!” This was followed by a squeal and a hug. “Salen!” Now a squeal, from the other girl, and a two cheek air kiss, muha, muha.

“Sarabeth!” Squeal and a hug, “Salen!” Squeal, muha, muha.

“Marybeth!” Squeal and a hug, “Salen!” Squeal, muha, muha.

“Elizabeth!” Squeal and a hug, “Salen!” Squeal, muha, muha.

They started in on a round of “It’s been so long”, and “You look so good. No way, you look so much better.”, and “I just can’t believe we all got into the same school!”.

By now I had been squeaked into some form of deafness. The loss of muscle control I contributed to the hyper bouncing, I think it might be some type of hypnosis. Mora was falling pray to it as well and that could have been the end for us if not for the quick thinking of Kaywinet and Hogan. The managed to pull us out of the room before the group of girls had time to turn on us with their bouncing hugs of squeaky death.

 

I am so glad Mora and Kaywinet were drinking last night because it saved me from questions for the first part of the day. My two normal room mates had hangovers and the perky pixie had a mask over her eyes, green gunk on her upper lip, and socks on her hands. The first two would kill me if I woke them and I don’t know what the other would do, but really, I don’t care and didn’t want to know.

I got dressed and grab my copy of “Muse for Dummies” and went in search of some place to read.

The “for Dummies” series is a best seller among mortals, but it was started on Mount Olympus. After nearly getting triad in the ass for calling a Nereid a Naiad, Tele wrote “Nymphs for Dummies” and made a huge bundle of cash. Soon there were a whole line of the books: “Half Gods for Dummies”, “Human Religions for Dummies”, “Wine Tasting for Dummies”, and the fastest selling book of all time “Things That Really Piss Off Gods for Dummies” (This was written after a year with a record high number of banishment’s, lightning bolts deaths, and changes to animal form). Then Tele started dating a Muse, the relationship lasted for about two years (a blink by Olympus standers), at the end Tele had a broken nose and the Muse’s human had an apartment in New York City, a vineyard in Napa, a house in Hawaii, five cars, two boats, a personal plane, and a staff of seventeen, including a sushi chef that travels with him at all times.

 

“Oh Zeus, I really think this is the final entrance test,” Kaywinet said as she took off her shoes and started to rub her feet. “If you survive all of the first day welcoming lectures you get to stay.”

From the other said of the room came Mora’s voice, muffled by the fact she was face first on her bed. “I heartily agree with your logic Kaywinet.” I dropped my bag to the floor; not really caring that almost every single thing in it fell out as I did so. “It does seem to keep in line with the actions displayed in the past by the gods, the sort of trial they find humorous, but that comes at much cost to the one that the gods pick. Woe to them who must play the fool for the gods enjoyment.”

 

The human I had was almost too pliable; she was a fan of books and television, movies and games, music and dance, history and science. It seemed she had a kernel of knowledge about everything, and it was killing me! I just can’t get her brain to settle on one thing for any length of time. Ah ha! There it is, yes you like that song do you, sweet, maddening human. Good! I can work with this.

 

“I can’t take it any more. She has so much that she has taken up with running around in that mind of hers. There is Star Wars and Star Trek and X-Men and The Phantom of the Opera and the dance stories and all the Jane Austin stuff and the acting, oh Zeus! The acting. She has to act and react and why would she react this way, why wouldn’t she react some other way? And where should she be coming from when she says that line? And what if her character was abducted by aliens and their brain was taken out and an alien brain put in the character’s body? Well how would the alien character react? She wants to know how it would react? Ha! I’ll tell how it would react, it would say shove a stick in your eye, that way you can’t read anymore or write or watch TV and that way your Muse can get a gorram brake! What didn’t I mention? She’s in to a new TV show, Firefly, the cast all curse in Chinese. Chinese people! I know Chinese curse words, me! I can curse at you in Chi – gorram – nese!”

 

A quite morning, a hot cup of tea, a human with a respect for her Muse (trainee), and an internet story challenge generator. Sounds like it will be a good day.

Near death experience // eyeliner? Nah.

Oops! Drunk! // Window? Nah.

Car accident // To Kill A Mockingbird? What? You never even read that, no!

Death in the family // beef jerky? No.

Near death experience // orange juice? Oh! I should check on that carton Kayet left in the room.

Wacky water hijinks // pillow? No.

Snowed in // bottle? Well maybe. But not anything like spin the bottle, that’s just to much of a writing crutch. Hmmm, we’ll think about this one. Keep going.

It’s [insert holiday of choice] // candle? Yeah right.

We’re going to die. Let’s have sex // piano? No. I said no!

Car accident/ /coffee mug? That could work. Logan runs over Marie’s favorite mug. No, no… Marie runs over Logan’s mug! Yeah, you’ve got a crying Logan trying to put the mug back together; Marie’s being all guilty. Let’s do it!